I wanted to share with you a list of my favorite questions to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend. These are important questions to ask before contemplating marriage. I also encourage my married couples to take some time to sit down and ask some of them if they haven't before.

Now let us set the scene for the conversation.

Grab a comforting beverage and find a place on the couch next to each other. I invite you to sit looking at each other.  Close enough to in some way be touching one another. Could be a hand on a knee or thigh or holding hands.

If you are the listening partner I encourage you to stay looking into the other person's eyes. I know that can be a hard one. It's a skill that takes practice to get comfortable with. As they are talking take them in as they are answering the questions. Notice not just their words, but their body and face as well. Stay touching.

This exercise of physical touch and eye contact is a way to co-regulate and build connections. Meaning you help each other stay grounded and in the moment.



Practicing having fun conversations in this position can help you navigate stressful ones.  It's a powerful tool to, have more stress-prone conversations while looking at each other and maintaining physical touch.  It can help couples stay connected and grounded. Couples report more connection even in stressful conversations.

To note, physically touching and looking at each other is an invitation-only, if you don't want to - don't! Listen to your instincts and be curious about what's happening for you... what's getting in the way of this type of contact.

Now let us get on to my favorite 20 questions for couples.

1. What's your favorite childhood memory, and how do you think it shaped who you are today?

2. If you could travel anywhere in the world right now, where would you go and why?

3. What's one thing you've always wanted to learn or try but haven't had the chance to yet?

4. Is there any part of you that you feel you've lost and want to have back?

5. What's your idea of a perfect day together?

6. What's your favorite way to be touched?

7. If you could relive one moment of our relationship, which one would it be and why?

8. What's something you could do this year that your child-self would be happy about?

9. What's a dream that you used to have and let go of?

10. If we could only keep one tradition from our families, which one would you choose and why?

11. What's the most adventurous thing you've ever done, and would you do it again?

12. What's a tradition you would like to create?

13. What's one thing you admire most about me?

14. Do you have a fear about the future?

15. Do you want pets/no pets?

16. What's one way you'd like love expressed to you more?

17. What's one thing you are most proud about that you've done?

18. What's something you've always wanted to ask me but haven't?

19. When you look at me, what's one thing you notice?

20. What role do you think humor plays in maintaining a healthy relationship? Tell me a joke.

Now, I encourage you to take a moment and share what this experience was like for you. What did you notice physically and emotionally?

Wishing you deep connection and fun in your relationship.